I want to go for a drive.

I want to sit behind a wheel and go.

You wanna know why?

Because wherever the car goes, it takes me with it.

It doesn’t leave me behind as it takes off.

Because when I hold the wheel, it doesn’t slowly get cold in my grasp.

Not like your hands did.

Because my 2007 Honda Pilot can’t simply be “gone” after someone listens to it with a stethoscope.

And because if my car breaks down, I don’t have to watch myself and the rest of my family break down with it.

Momentary Distractions,

My strongest counter-weapon.

See, when I’m making a left turn, I’m not thinking about the turn my life took just the day before.

The hum of the engine drowns out the cries of my mother that refuse to leave my head.

Instead, I’m allowed to focus on the good things.

Like you.

Like how you were the kindest person I had ever met.

Like how I looked up to you every day.

Like how no one in the whole world didn’t like you,

Because there was nothing not to like.

Like how I thought you would live forever.

When I’m driving, its like the whole thing was a dream.

My pain takes a back seat,

And you’re with me again.

So I get in my car.

Check my mirrors, buckle my seat belt, and look up, through my windshield

At the outside world.

A world that just got hit.

A world that just got hurt.

A world that’s worse than the day before.

A world that misses you so damn much.

I step on the gas.